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Die Dackeln des Kreiges
 
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Below are the 7 most recent journal entries recorded in lady_neon's LiveJournal:

Wednesday, November 16th, 2005
7:22 am
Gee, remember back in the day?
I spent two years and three months of my life in high school. In fact, I enjoyed it so much that they had to mail me my diploma because I wouldn't come pick it up. Moving on to a real life was way more interesting. Unfortunately, I've learned that in some situations life isn't really all that different from high school. In fact, I've begun to think that any time you gather five or more people in a social situation the backstabbing and game playing will begin.

You should never say something behind someone's back that you aren't willing to say to their face. And should it get back to them, you take responsibility. After all, you said it. Where or to whom you said it doesn't make it any less your words. I've pretty much always believed that. I also believe that the only people who have a stake in hobbling communications within a group are those that are attempting to decieve someone. That kind of thing is bad enough. Lying about things that no one can prove, and then forcing people to accept your word for without giving the other party a chance? That's what I mean by highschool. It's that clique mentality.

What burns me up is that this isn't really affecting me. _I_ don't much care. But someone I care about is upset. Very upset. And I hate to see a loved one bullied, even if it's only emotionally. The only thing I can take any satisfaction in is that this kind of thing makes the lives of the people doing it poorer. They will reap what they have sown.

Current Mood: annoyed
Wednesday, November 2nd, 2005
7:35 pm
Smoke and Mirrors
This Is My Life, Rated
Life:
8
Mind:
7.5
Body:
7.7
Spirit:
8.8
Friends/Family:
6.8
Love:
9.1
Finance:
8.8
Take the Rate My Life Quiz


Current Mood: cynical
Tuesday, October 18th, 2005
9:32 pm
Aum Shiva
Much has changed since my last post. I am getting unmarried. And I have to say, there is no one that I would rather go through a divorce with than RM. We bashed it all out, made sure all the legal stuff was air-tight, and now just need to wait the rest of the one-year period that NC requires. He's even friends with my boyfriend. That's amazing considering that DK is his closest male friend, and in general, friends don't let friends steal wives.

Speaking of DK, he's on fall break, and hanging around the house. That's good. I really like him. A lot. Anyway, it's fortunate to have him around since I'm doing a house re-arrangement in order to accomodate two new roommates. So that's another new thing. Luckily, the dogs know and are fond of MT and KT, so there should be no problems here. Now if I can just get my Halloween decorations up. . . Just as soon as I get over this bronchitis, I will do that.

Current Mood: sick
Tuesday, September 6th, 2005
7:06 pm
To make a short story long . . .
Everyone that went to Dragoncon on Friday returned yesterday, and all were still breathing. So the event could be said to count as a success. I learned some important things:

1) Never book a hotel room over the phone. They leave out much needed info, and you end up with not enough beds.

2) Don't get busy in the dark just because you think no one can see you. They might. And they'll giggle.

3) Love your SO, appreciate your friends, and don't snark at either just because you're tired. It just makes everyone more tired and cranky.

. . . which leads to . . .

4) When overtired, take naps. Con will go on without you, and will be there when you wake up.

Current Mood: drained
Thursday, March 31st, 2005
11:29 am
Random entry of self-pity
The road to hell is paved . . . Yup, I'm angsting. If I get really angsty I'll do it in german, und dann keine von Ihnen Bumser lesen dieses. So there! And getting to the point later that afternoon . . . I have very good rules. Rules like a) if you're going to screw around, do it with people you don't know because screwwing your friends causes problems and b) don't get to know people after you're done screwwing. If what you were interested in was under the clothes, once you've investigated it, and the clothes are back on, they are by definition NOT INTERESTING anymore. This overly simplistic veiw of the world is good for sanity, domestic tranquility, and overall moral.

But sometimes life ain't that simple . . .

. . . because what do you do when you accidentally find out that the person in question has a personality, or Shiva forbid, a sense of humor? Keep in mind, I'm not even talking about some stupid high school type crush thing, just that this is someone that under other circumstances would be worth getting to know better. I also know that I have a bad habit of finding attractive people interesting, right up until I find someone else to play with, or they do something mind-bogglingly stupid. Sort of like the guy that swears that his new blonde friend is really smart and intellectual, and when you ask her about Shakespeare she says "Oh yeah, wasn't DiCaprio the best???" Right . . .

And so I am angsty because I know what is best to do, and what I ought to do, but it isn't what I want to do. And no matter how many times I repeat the now famous mantra "You don't have to like it; you just have to do it." (that's right, I _do_ know how to use a semicolen) it doesn't make me feel better. Instead, I'm feeling like I'm an asshole with an over-inflated ego. After all, what makes _me_ worth getting to know, especially since I don't normally give people a chance to? The bitter, cynical part of my mind reminds me this guy was doing the same thing I was . . . Great way to spend an hour or two, lousy way to make new friends. And on that assumption, I should lose the contact info and go merrily on my way and never give anyone who doesn't have their ankles firmly crossed more than a hello. Considering my own behavior, this is hypocritical at best.

Which proves that this entire rant is really just about me. It doesn't matter who this guy is, or if I never speak to him again, or whatever. All that is just what brought up the Big Problem. I want two diametrically opposed things. I want my neat, safe, all-American suburban life. And I want my life from five or six years ago back. I can't have both. And most of all I'd like to do something other than want, think, or assess. It's stupid to say that I'm miserable because I don't feel. So how about I'm miserable because I don't feel about anything except how I feel? Bleh.

Enough self-pity. As penance I will go kick myself while I am down, devote a couple extra hours to charity this weekend, and try not to sleep with anybody who isn't completely vapid (no matter how beautiful their skin is when it bruises).

Current Mood: cynical
Friday, May 21st, 2004
10:23 pm
In search of safety . . .
When I was a kid, I was scared of my dad. I was even more scared of Child Protective Services. After all, those were the people that took you away. You would never see your family or your relatives again. Your foster parents would beat you and starve you and rape you and make you clean the house and do the laundry while they sat back and laughed. I thought that if I could just manage to get my own life I'd be safe.

I moved out when I was 16. I still didn't feel safe.

So I worked hard, built a career, managed to get a two bedroom apartment, a new car, a big dog. I still didn't feel safe. If anything, I was more scared than I had been before. What would happen if I lost my job? Or if I fell ill? I had no savings, nothing of value other than my car. And I needed that car. I needed to sleep at night, too. But it seemed reasonable to worry about these things. Reasonable? Hell, it seemed right, responsible even. Everything was exactly the was it was supposed to be. So what was I afraid of?

By now I've got a fiance, three bedroom house, two big dogs, and a brand new truck. There's money in the bank and I'm even back in college; "Planning My Future" . . . take three. But the stock market is bad. The job market is tough. The country is at war, whether we admit it or not. I find myself beginning to resent politicians, businessmen, even the postman, for any and every little intrusion into my carefully created safe place. I caught myself thinking the other day that the police really should enforce the closing time posted at the park across the street. We don't need _those_ sort of people hanging around. And I suddenly realized that in my perfectly normalized, carefully controlled, planned, formatted life, the thing that scared me most had become me.

Current Mood: predatory
Wednesday, December 17th, 2003
11:45 pm
Chicken soup for the Viral Cold
It's not warm and fuzzy. There are no tear-jerking moments. But don't put away those tissues yet! It's the Viral Cold, and there's nothing anyone can do about it. The flu shot won't stop it. Antibiotics won't treat it. And all the OTC remedies in the world won't stop the coughing. I may be single-handedly supporting the Puffs-with-lotion brand.

And the million dollar question:

Why am I ranting about a perfectly normal cold?

I have no codeine. Atuss cough syrup fixes everything. Your nose clears up. The coughing stops. You feel great. It's cheap, and comes in generic, and is covered by insurance. And the school health clinic won't prescribe it because it contains "a narcotic susceptible to abuse." I could understand it if I had come in without obvious symptoms. As it was, armed with tissues, Chap-Stick, and vicious "who turned on the sub-woofer" cough, I just might have been interested in something stronger than "Lecture No. 3: Wellness Promotion During Cold and Flu Season". Or maybe they think I'm a masochist. I'm not. I can prove it. I'll even bring them one and point out the differences. I just want my damn cough syrup. The orange flavor, not cherry. And can I have a lollipop for not biting the doctor?
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